Welcome to the Cyber Sizzler - the only cybersecurity newsletter that helps everyone from analysts to CEOs get 2% better every day.

We’re the Jeff Ross of cyber newsletters, raining more puns than Seattle in the spring.

ON DECK FOR TODAY

• HEATING UP: US Marshals enlists Tommy Lee Jones after breach

• CACHING IN: Wiz reaches new heights with $300M

• JALA-MEME-ÑOS: 🌶️ 🤣

HEATING UP

Spicy opinions on things we care about for reasons

one / U.S. Marshals Service Breached

The US Marshals Service announced today they suffered a “major” breach last week. We would have included USMS in our Dumpster Fire section, but our heads were in the clouds today thinking up Wiz puns. The story is still developing, but we heard that Tommy Lee Jones refused to help.

DUMPSTER FIRE

Eyebrow raising breaches that you already know about, but with our 🌶️ added

USMC belongs here…

CACHING IN

We cover security start-ups that get money, security company mergers and acquisitions, and watch stock prices go up and down.

Wiz

• RAISED: $300M (Series D)

• DATE: February 27, 2023

• LED BY: Lightspeed & Greenoaks Capital

• PARTICIPATED: Howard Schultz & Bernard Arnault

• CEO: Assaf Rappaport

• WHAT: Cloud Sec (would you expect anything else considering the name?)

Our Take

Not much can rain on cloud security’s parade these days, with money continuing to pour into the category.

We only imagine that Wiz founders are on cloud nine with their latest influx of cash, raising another $300M from Lightspeed. Total funding has soared to stratospheric heights with almost a BILLION dollars of funding.

Wiz stormed onto the scene in 2020, and claimed the fastest SaaS to $10B valuation. But valuations in cybersecurity tech these days is tricky, with a storm on the horizon for the world economy, there’s a reason that Wiz has entered the public domain yet.

We haven’t gotten our hands on Wiz yet, but the nearly 50% of Fortune 100 companies put their faith in a company whose name reminds you that the man behind the curtain is a charlatan.

They could’ve easily named themselves cumulonimbus or cirrostratus.

We love Wiz’s site.

There are two things that the security takes seriously; Alphabet Soup and Dark Mode.

You’ll find only one here with CSPM, KSPM, CWPP, IaC, CIEM, and DSPM are all making an appearance on the product page alone.

Otherwise, their site is clean and light, without a whisper of pesky storm clouds on the horizon.

Their main headline says what they do:

Customers rate Wiz a leader in cloud security

We shouldn’t have to mention this, but the number of companies that refuse to tell you what they do, or even what category they are in, is astounding.

Enterprise buyers love boxes. Being in the upper-right box is good and Wiz hovers over their competition and proudly displays it.

We hope all this extra money doesn’t cloud their judgement as they will no doubt seek to expand past cloud at some point.

The count was 9 cloud puns if you were counting. We tried lifting it to 10, but ran out of steam.

Customers rate Cumulonimbus a leader in cloud security

Doesn’t that just roll off the tongue nicely?

Hey Wiz team , we’d love a demo 🌶️

Jala-meme-ños

🌶️ 🤣

We feel seen…

We hope we don’t hurt Josh’s feelings

TALL GLASS OF MILK

Time to cool down with a tall glass of milk. Thanks for reading! We'll be back tomorrow. In the meantime, feel free to reach out if you have any questions or feedback. Keep crushing it!

AFTERBURN

#bribery

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